In August of 1984, my
youngest brother, who had been my childhood playmate, died with AIDS. Just two weeks
earlier, while visiting him in the hospital, he told my husband and I his lifelong secret.
He was gay and had always been gay.
I have wished many
times since that brief encounter with the person he really was that we could have been
granted more time so that he could help me understand this complex reality. But for some
reason (possibly my own pious and judgmental attitude that kept him from sharing this
secret with me) our time of unmasked openness with each other was limited to a few short
hours. Yet it was freeing for both of us to realize that when the secret was out in the
open, we loved each other more deeply than ever before.
Because this issue
touched me so personally, I began to search and try to understand the gay/lesbian issue.
It has only been within the last two or three years that I began to see that the beliefs I
had held all my life might not be absolutely correct. I want to share with you the reasons
why I have changed my mind.
1. The testimony of my brother's wife
My sister-in-law did
not allow the tragic death of her husband to make her bitter. Nor did she shrink into
oblivion and live as a recluse. She had only a few months to adjust to the truth about who
her husband really was. That time became a time of new openness, understanding, and
compassion between them.
After his death she
sought out his gay friends and learned to know them. She sat by the bedsides of persons
dying with AIDS and ministered to them. She became director of pastoral care of an
organization that promotes understanding and caring for these afflicted persons. She began
to share her story and became an advocate for gay and lesbian persons.
Families with
homosexual members began to come to her for understanding and counsel. She has touched the
lives of many persons throughout the United States and Canada because of her compassionate
understanding. Today she serves as associate pastor of a Mennonite Church in Denver, CO.
In our discussions
together she has helped me to a new and deeper understanding of Scripture on this issue.
2. The testimony of my brother's life
My brother was an
excellent nurse. We had not known about the special contributions he had made to the
nursing profession until some of his colleagues shared this information during the
memorial service.
The Governor of Kansas
sent a letter of condolence to his wife and children with appreciation for his services as
Executive Administrator of the State Board of Nursing. When he died he was Associate
Executive Director of the National Council of State Boards of Nursing.
He was a respected
member of his church. When they learned his lifelong secret, they did not shun him, but
made it possible for him to die at home through their round-the-clock care for him and his
family.
3. The testimony of Peter to the Church
at Jerusalem concerning fraternizing with Gentiles (Acts 10:1-11:18)
Circumcision was at the
heart of God's covenant with Abraham (Genesis 17:9-14). It was the sign of the everlasting
covenant between God and his people. The importance of this rite is emphasized in Genesis
17:14: ''Any uncircumcised male who is not circumcised...shall be cut off from his people;
he has broken my covenant.'' This became such an important doctrine of the Jewish faith
that to eat or fellowship with an uncircumcised Gentile was unthinkable. So we can
understand Peter's consternation with God's object lesson (repeated three times) that he
was to do something contrary to what he had always taught and believed firmly to be right.
Peter was called to
account for his actions by the circumcised believers in Jerusalem. Step by step, he told
how God led him to act contrary to the tradition and teaching of the church when he went
to the home of a Gentile. Then he said, ''And as I began to speak, the Holy Spirit fell
upon them just as it had upon us at the beginning. If then God gave them the same gift
that he gave us when we believed in the Lord Jesus Christ, who was I that I could hinder
God?'' (Acts 11:15 & 17).
I thank God that Peter
was willing to risk his reputation and position as a leader of the church to follow the
truth God was leading him to. If Peter had not obeyed, where would we Gentiles be today?
4. New insights in books and articles
written by Biblical scholars
As I looked to God to
guide me, more and more resources were brought to my attention. I will list a few for
anyone who wants to begin a deeper study of this issue:
Barnett, Walter. Homosexuality and
the Bible: An Interpretation. Wallingford, PA: Pendle Hill Publications,
Pamphlet #226, 1979.
Christians and Homosexuality:
Dancing Toward the Light,' special issue of The Other Side magazine,
300 W. Apsley, Philadelphia, PA, 1994.
Hill, Leslie. Marriage: A Spiritual
Leading for Lesbian, Gay, and Straight Couples. Wallingford, PA: Pendle Hill
Publications, Pamphlet #308, 1993.
Scanzoni, Letha and Virginia Ramey Mollenkott. Is
the Homosexual My Neighbor? Another Christian View. San Francisco: Harper
& Row, 1978, 1994.
Scroggs, Robin. The New Testament
and Homosexuality. Philadelphia: Fortress Press, 1983.
5. The testimony of an associate pastor
of a church that provides a 'safe haven' for all people
This friend and I
worked together for several years in our conference offices. My husband and I went to
visit the church at Germantown and had an interview with this pastor. When I asked her how
she had come to believe that it was right to include homosexual persons as members, she
replied, ''My parental home was always an open and welcoming home. So I learned to accept
all people.''
Further dialogue with
her helped me understand why this congregation had to risk the censure of the conference
body in order to follow the way God was leading them.
6. Personal witness of Christian gay and
lesbian persons
The video, Body of
Dissent, prepared by the Brethren/Mennonite Council for Lesbian and Gay Concerns
(BMC), helped me get in touch with the personal struggle and pain of persons who are born
with this homosexual orientation. I also read the book, Stranger at the Gate: How to
be Christian and Gay in America, by Mel White.
The next step was to
personally learn to know gays and lesbians. In all the years I wanted to learn to know
these people so I could help them change, God brought only one to me and he did not need
my help to change. Now that I have allowed God to change me I have many gay and lesbian
friends. Their lives have greatly enriched mine. I continue to be challenged by their
sincere desire to know and honor God.
7. Testimony of ''straight'' members of
a ''safe haven'' church
The members we have
talked to from the Germantown Mennonite Church, who are of heterosexual orientation, have
assured us that they do indeed see evidence of the Holy Spirit's work in the lives of the
gays and lesbians who worship with them. Because God has given the witness of his Spirit
within his homosexual children, they cannot refuse membership to them.
8. Testimony of parents of gays and
lesbians
We are continuing to
meet more and more of these parents. I never before realized how many children of this
sexual orientation are born to families who are highly regarded as sound ''Biblical''
families in our Mennonite Churches.
These sons and
daughters are neither rebelling against God, their families, or the church. I have been
much impressed by the quality of relationships among these family members. Most of the
parents we know are very supportive of their children.
My husband and I
attended a BMC Connecting Families Weekend recently. This is a group of families from
Brethren and Mennonite Churches (a few were present from other denominations), who meet
together once a year to learn from and support one another. One couple we met had been
members of a Mennonite Church, but when their lesbian daughter was not accepted, they
supported her by going to a denomination that would welcome them all. How sad that such
gifted persons needed to find fellowship elsewhere!
I had the privilege of
sitting in with a small group of mothers who have lesbian daughters. Each mother shared
the ''gift'' that her daughter has been to her. The relationships expressed were, without
exception, very loving and warm.
9. Testimony of Christians Throughout
the Broader Church
Letters to ''Readers
Say'' (Gospel Herald) and ''Viewpoint'' (Mennonite Weekly Review) have strengthened and
added more insights to the truth I have been seeking. Especially meaningful to me have
been the letters written by persons who at various times in my life have walked ''the
path'' with me.
10. Loving, committed relationships of
same sex monogamous partnerships
My husband and I have
been blessed with the privilege of being a guest in one of these homes. There we also met
other couples. We are inspired by their love and respect for each other.
11. Actual ''success'' rate of ex-gay
ministries
I am certain that
ministries designed to ''help'' these persons change do help some to change. People, who
have much more knowledge on this subject than I, describe it as a continuum, where at one
end are persons completely heterosexual, at the other end, completely homosexual, with
varying degrees toward the center.
Those nearest the
center are the ones who are able to change. Many persons say, ''But God can change all of
them.'' My friends have earnestly prayed for God to help them change, but they have
finally found peace by accepting themselves as persons created by God to honor him. In
this acceptance they have come to a new realization of God's love for them.
12. Contributions to the Church and
society by gay and lesbian persons
King James I of England, who authorized the
revered King James Version of the Bible, was homosexual. So also were artists:
Michelangelo, who painted the frescoes on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel in the
Vatican, and Leonardo da Vinci, painter of ''The Lord's Supper.''
On the lesbian side are
Willa Cather, a writer, and James Miranda Barry, the first British woman doctor, who
passed as a man all her life to avoid the consequences of full disclosure. (Quoted from Homosexuals
in History by A. L. Rowfe and Lesbian Lives by Barbara Grier and Coletta
Reid in Is the Homosexual my Neighbor? (p. 30ff).
13. The church has been wrong before
I know the church has
voted, and usually that settles it for me, but this time it doesn't. Years ago my father
was denied church membership because, as a banker, he wrote insurance policies. (Some of
the persons who voted him out came to him for insurance). Later, when that no longer
seemed to be ''sin,'' the church leaders again considered if he might be a member. That
time he did not want to take off his tie. So my family suffered the consequences of that
decision.
I'm sure that many of
you in my age group (65-75) can recall other instances where the church has been wrong.
In the days of slavery
some church people used the Bible to prove that it was right to own slaves. Other church
people laid their lives on the line to provide ''an underground railroad'' to freedom for
many slaves. Today my husband and I feel God has called us to put our lives on the line in
a different way.
We do not like conflict
and feel much more comfortable when brothers and sisters live together in peace, but we
cannot accept the kind of peace that shames our homosexual brothers and sisters for being
who they are (using terms borrowed from Lewis B. Smedes in his book, Shame and Grace.)
14. I know what it feels like to be
judged a sinner
While suffering for
years a strange and puzzling illness, a loved family member wrote several letters to us
telling me that I could get well if I would ''quit my sinning.'' My sins were sins of
dress, etc. I knew then (and still know) that I am accepted and loved by God, for his own
Spirit affirms that truth to me. But I know how painful and frustrating it is to be told,
''God cannot accept you because you do not live the way I interpret the Bible.'' I'm sure
I've done my share of making people feel rejected by God with my own narrow
interpretations and for that, I'm truly sorry. If I would have followed Jesus' new
commandment to love others just as he loves me (John 13:34) and if my church could have
trusted God to do the judging, I believe my brother might be alive today.
After an intense day of
debating this issue in our conference that ended with a majority vote to make the
Germantown Congregation a ''second class'' congregation, we ate dinner at a local
restaurant with one of our friends. As we shared feelings and experiences together, he
said, ''I always enjoy the peace of 'back roads' of the countryside, but today I'll be
glad to get back to Philadelphia WHERE I CAN FEEL SAFE AGAIN.''
Quite an indictment on
a church meeting where we were urged to ''hate the sin, but love the sinner.''
15. The life and teachings of Jesus
Now I come to the most
important reason of all. I see no condemnation for those of homosexual orientation in the
words of Jesus, my Lord and model. I do see and hear condemnation for those who
interpreted the Scriptures and formed their own human laws. But I see only love and
identifying with all persons who were marginalized and shamed by others.
In answer to a lawyer's
question about which commandment in the law was the greatest, Jesus said, '' 'You shall
love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your
mind.' This is the greatest and first commandment. And second is like it: 'You shall love
your neighbor as yourself.' On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets''
(Matthew 22:37-40.)
I am sick and tired of
the terms ''heterosexual" and "homosexual'' and I long for the day when we no
longer label one another, but reach out in love and caring concern for each other,
admitting that we don't have all the answers, but trusting God to show us how to listen to
each other and accept each other with love, allowing each person to have the freedom that
God gives to all of us.
I wonder what history
will record about the decisions made by the church in 1995. I believe God is weeping for
his children.
S/Roberta Showalter Kreider - May 1995
PS. To All Who May Read This Article:
In sharing my
experience I want to make it very clear that I am not advocating promiscuity of
any kind. Nor am I making a case for partners in a ''mixed'' marriage (hetero/homo) to
separate. But considering the pain and heartache that is usually a part of those
marriages, I feel it would be much better if they were never entered into in the first
place.
I am saying that God
gives each of us freedom of choice and his Spirit's guidance to make good
choices. Therefore, in my opinion, the church should bless covenanted, same-sex, committed
relationships between two persons who are sincerely seeking to do God's will.